My good friend and former room mate, Bob Delbane is writing a Phineus story. We have part one, but I won’t get around to drawing it until I have free time and Bob gets me the other two parts. So, in the mean time, I present the super fun script he gave me.
Phineus: The Return of Joe Magarac
Part 1, This Week on Jackass…
Bob DelBane
Page 1
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Exterior of Point Park.
The Three Rivers Folklore and Heritage Festival at Point Park has a county fair atmosphere that includes booths, food vendors, and dance demonstrations. There is a Legends Lane where people can meet their favorite folklore characters.
The amphitheater stage is behind a curtain with a large sign that says “Evergreen Prospects.”
Phineus and Sara are there, although we cannot see them in the crowd.
PHINEUS: Seriously, why are we here? The Pens are on this afternoon.
Page 2
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Phineus and Sara. Phineus is looking at his phone.
SARA: Will you knock it off?
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1. Phineus looks up at her.
SARA: I am a student of the social sciences. This festival is up my alley.
Panel 3
The sign for Legends Lane is prominent as Phineus and Sara pass by.
SARA: Besides, the Pens are playing the Panthers. Are you really going to whine about that?
Panel 4
Phineus and Sara walk past a booth labeled “Cordwood Pete: Diminutive Dynamo of the Northeast.” Some people are talking to Pete.
PHINEUS: It’s just, I don’t know, folklore’s not real.
Panel 5
Phineus and Sara walk past a booth labeled “Tony Beaver: West Virginia’s Champion Griddle Skater.” Some people are talking to Tony.
PHINEUS: There’re so many crazy things in this and other worlds that are real.
Panel 6
Phineus turns to Sara.
PHINEUS: Why are we wasting our time here with things that clearly aren’t real?
Page 3
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Phineus and Sara walk past a booth labeled “Febold Feboldson: The Great Cloudbuster of the Nebraska Plains.” No one is at Tony’s booth.
SARA: It’s not about facts or reality. It’s about metaphor and symbolism.
Panel 2
Close-up of Sara.
SARA: There are some truths we can’t talk or think about directly, so we create myths and folktales, metaphors we use to pass along those truths to each other. It’s one of the main ways culture is passed down through the generations.
Panel 3
Sara turns away from Phineus and continues walking.
SARA: Besides, if you cared that much about facts, you wouldn’t spend so much time watching those crazy movies.
PHINEUS: Hey, Army of Darkness is practically a documentary.
Panel 4
Something catches Phineus’s eye outside of the panel.
PHINEUS: Oh, look, there’s a guy dressed up as Joe Magarac.
Page 4
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Joe Magarac’s booth. He sits under a sign that reads “Joe Magarac: Pittsburgh’s Own Legendary Steelworker.” This booth draws the largest group of people of any of the booths. Joe makes little steel animal sculptures for children, while on either side of him, two men argue.
The Activist looks like a grade school science teacher and is on the left. The Evergreen employee is in a dark suit and is one of the Middlemen and is on the right.
ACTIVIST: Fracking contributes to water pollution and earthquakes, and you want to bring it into the city.
MIDDLEMAN: Hydraulic fracturing is completely safe. Think of the jobs Evergreen Prospects will bring to town.
JOE: Guys.
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1. Joe continues to make the sculptures.
ACTIVIST: Safe? You don’t even have to disclose the chemicals you use. Who knows what you’re pumping into the ground.
MIDDLEMAN: Look, you want 100% renewable energy. Well, that’s a long way off. Hydraulic fracturing will buy us time to develop the necessary technology.
JOE: Hey, guys.
Panel 3
Same blocking as panel 1. The argument becomes more heated.
ACTIVIST: You don’t care about renewable energy. You just want to delay it long enough to squeeze every last dime out of the ground.
MIDDLEMAN: Getting rich off the land is the American way. You don’t like it, maybe you’d be happy living somewhere else.
JOE: GUYS!
Panel 4
The Activist and the Middleman turn to look at Joe.
JOE: Knock it off, huh? You’re scaring the kids.
Panel 5
Middle shot from Joe’s perspective of the startled children waiting for Joe to make them steel animals.
Page 5
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Close-up of Joe, medium shot of the Middleman on the right. The Middleman composes himself.
MIDDLEMAN: I apologize Mr. Magarac, but Evergreen Prospects protests your endorsement of the anti-fracking activists of this city. We ask that you cease immediately.
Panel 2
Medium shot of Joe. He makes animal sculptures as he speaks to the Middleman.
JOE: I haven’t endorsed anybody. I’m, what do ya call, public domain. I don’t have any control over that kind of thing.
Panel 3
Close-up of Joe, medium shot of the Activist on the left. The Activist steps forward.
ACTIVIST: Mr. Magarac, we use your image to try to inform the public so that they can in turn inform their representatives. It would be great if you yourself would make a statement.
Panel 4
Medium shot of Joe as he looks up at the Activist.
JOE: I know you’re trying to do what’s best for the city, but I don’t really do, you know, political appearances.
Panel 5
Long-shot of the Activist and the Middleman as they walk away past Phineus, who has been listening the whole time.
JOE: Good luck to you.
Panel 6
Phineus stands next to Joe’s booth watching the Activist and the Middleman leave.
PHINEUS: (thought balloon) They think he’s really Joe Magarac. He thinks he’s really Joe Magarac. The whole city’s nuts.
Page 6
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Phineus walks over to Joe’s booth as Joe continues to make steel animals for the children.
Panel 2
Phineus holds and examines one of the steel animals.
PHINEUS: (thought balloon) It’s actual steel. It’s got to be a trick. Unless…
Panel 3
Joe looks at Phineus holding the steel animal.
JOE: Hey, pal. The animals are for kids only.
Panel 4
Phineus hands the animal to a waiting child.
CHILD: Thanks, mister.
Page 7
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Interior of a bar. Medium shot of the four folklore characters, Joe, Tony, Pete, and Febold, sitting around a table.
JOE: To our nautical friend who could not be here with us due to his…um…due to the fact that he…uh…
TONY: …now sleeps with the fishes.
Panel 2
Medium shot of Pete, Tony, and Joe. Pete grimaces.
PETE: That’s a little morbid, Tony.
TONY: Sorry. Godfather was on last night.
JOE: Our friend, who cannot be here as he…went to Davey Jones’s Locker for the final time.
Panel 3
Same blocking as panel 1. They all raise their glasses as Joe finishes the toast.
JOE: Old Stormalong, may your legend always sail the seven seas. Salut!
PETE, TONY, and FEBOLD: Salut!
Panel 4
Same blocking as panel 1. They all drink.
Panel 5
Same blocking as panel 2. They put their drinks down.
TONY: Oh, that’s terrible.
JOE: It’s Stormalong’s favorite rum.
TONY: It’s still terrible.
JOE: Yeah, well, he was cheap…
Page 8
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Joe and Pete sitting at the table.
JOE: Hey, Pete, how come your brother never comes to these things?
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1.
PETE: The great Paul Bunyan will be attending the final day of the festival as a guest of Evergreen Prospects. I called and told him to come earlier, but his publicist advised him not to.
JOE: His what?
Panel 3
Same blocking as panel 1.
PETE: Or his agent or his manager or whoever. He only does commercials and corporate stuff now. I think he couldn’t come because he was having his picture taken for a toothpick ad.
Panel 4
Same blocking as panel 1.
JOE: Toothpick ad, huh? It’s too bad. We might have a better turnout if he showed up.
Page 9
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Joe, Tony, and Pete sitting at the table.
TONY: You did okay. People still love you here.
JOE: The turnout was alright. The kids don’t know me, though. Not anymore.
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1.
PETE: I saw you win a few of them over. They love when you make animals out of little steel girders. That’s good stuff.
Panel 3
Close-up on Joe as he takes another drink.
JOE: Yeah, I like the looks on their faces when they realize it’s not a trick.
Panel 4
Medium shot of Joe, Pete, and Tony sitting at the table watching a game on the bar TV.
Page 10
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Joe and Febold. Joe looks over in surprise at Febold, who is sitting quietly.
JOE: Febold, how’re you doing’? Almost forgot you were there.
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1.
FEBOLD: Oh, I…I don’t feel so good Joe.
JOE: Really? You can’t be sick. We don’t get sick. What’s wrong?
Panel 3
Close-up on Febold.
FEBOLD: I don’t know. Haven’t felt good since I talked to that little guy I told you about. He was the only one who came to my booth today. Odd little fella. Said something about…something…can’t remember now.
Panel 4
Same blocking as panel 1.
JOE: You said he looked like Burgess Meredith.
FEBOLD: Did I? Yeah…yeah he did. Like on Twilight Zone. “Mr. Dingle the Strong,” not “Time Enough at Last.” Anyway, he kind of creeped me out. Watch out for him if he comes back tomorrow.
Panel 5
Same blocking as panel 1.
JOE: What’s a little guy going to do to us?
FEBOLD: I don’t know. I just got a weird feeling is all. Look, I’m going to take a walk along the river before heading back to the hotel. Need to clear my head.
Panel 6
Medium shot of Joe as he watches Febold put on his hat and leave.
JOE: Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Page 11
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Exterior of a riverside park. Febold walks along, clutching himself as if he has chills. It’s a very windy evening.
Panel 2
Febold sits on one side of a park bench. A flier for the folklore festival is next to him.
Panel 3
A young couple walks by and sits at the other end of the bench.
Panel 4
The young woman picks up the flier.
Page 12
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of the young couple. The woman reads the flier.
WOMAN: “Come see your favorite folklore characters in the flesh: Cordwood Pete, Tony Beaver, Febold Feboldson, and Pittsburgh’s own Joe Mag…Maga…” Who?
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1. The man takes the flier.
MAN: C’mon, everybody knows Joe Magarac. One of the others is a West Virginia character, I think. But who’s Febold Feboldson?
WOMAN: I don’t know.
Panel 3
Long shot of the couple and the second man, who appears suddenly. He is a small man who bears a resemblance to Burgess Meredith.
SECOND MAN: Who?
Panel 4
A gust of wind blows the flier away.
Panel 5
Same blocking as panel 3. The young man looks at the second man.
MAN: I…I don’t remember.
Panel 6
Same blocking as panel 3. The second man doffs his derby at the young couple.
Panel 7
Long shot of the second man as he walks away, we see the couple alone on the bench. Febold has disappeared.
Page 13
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Long shot of the bench. The couple have gone. Joe walks by looking for Febold.
JOE: Febold! I got your jacket! Febold!
Panel 2
Medium shot of Joe seeing Febold’s hat on the ground.
Panel 3
Joe is holding Febold’s hat and looking around.
Panel 4
Same as panel 3, except it has now begun to rain.
Page 14
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Interior of Phineus’s office. Medium shot of Phineus, Sara, and Joe. On the left side of the panel, Phineus is sitting at his desk. Sara is seated next to him. On the right side of the panel, Joe is seated in front of the desk.
PHINEUS: Let me get this straight. You are THE Joe Magarac.
JOE: Yes.
Panel 2
Same blocking as panel 1.
SARA: According to legend, you were melted down to create a new steel mill.
JOE: Yeah, that’s right.
Panel 3
Same blocking as panel 1.
PHINEUS: So…how are you here?
JOE: The mill shut down. It didn’t need me anymore, so I left. Well, actually I still live in the neighborhood.
Panel 4
Medium shot of Phineus and Sara as they glance at each other.
Page 15
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Phineus.
PHINEUS: Okay, everybody in Pittsburgh knows you, and I’ve heard of Paul Bunyan, but who are the others you mentioned?
Panel 2
Sara stands to lecture Phineus. She points at the festival flier.
SARA: You paid absolutely no attention at the festival. Cordwood Pete is Bunyan’s brother, a lumberjack known from the east coast to the Midwest.
Panel 3
Phineus rolls his eyes as Sara holds court.
SARA: Tony Beaver, Bunyan’s cousin, is a woodsman who had some adventures in West Virginia.
Panel 4
Medium shot of Sara.
SARA: And Stormalong is a sea legend from New England.
Page 16
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Sara as she sits back down.
SARA: But I confess, even I don’t know Febold Feboldson.
Panel 2
Medium shot of Joe seated in front of the desk.
JOE: Febold was known around Nebraska as a cloudbuster. Dependable rainfall’s important out in the plains.
Panel 3
Phineus looks at the flier.
PHINEUS: Lot of lumberjacks in this group.
Panel 4
Sara looks at Phineus.
SARA: Lumberjacks, steel workers, sailors, plainsmen, all types of people who built this country over a century ago.
Page 17
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Phineus looking up at Joe.
PHINEUS: All right, assuming you are who you say you are, why come to us? If you think your friend was kidnapped or…worse, why not go to the police?
Panel 2
Medium shot of Joe.
JOE: We’re folklore. We exist because people want us to exist. The normal laws, natural laws, don’t apply to us. I’m here because I hear you’re an expert in, whatisit, un-natural laws.
Panel 3
Medium shot of Phineus. He sits at his desk looking pensive as he mulls over what he’s been told.
Panel 4
Phineus looks up at Joe.
PHINEUS: Okay. Show me where you found the hat.
Page 18
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Exterior shot of the riverside park of the night before. Long shot of Phineus, Sara, and Joe are standing next to the bench.
JOE: I found Febold’s hat right here.
Panel 2
Medium shot of Phineus as he begins to cast a spell.
PHINEUS: Let’s take a look.
Panel 3
Sara speaks to Phineus from behind his shoulder.
SARA: Why don’t you use your Glasses of Seeing?
PHINEUS: I dropped them in the sewer. Haven’t had the chance to make a new pair.
Panel 4
Long shot of Phineus as he looks into the vortex he has created.
PHINEUS: Well, there’s definitely a lot of negative energy here, like something’s been, I don’t know, removed from existence. I’m getting something…
Panel 5
The vortex expands to cover the area of the park bench. We see what Phineus sees: Febold disappearing as the second man arrives.
Page 19
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot of Phineus as he looks at the image of the second man in the vortex.
PHINEUS: I know that guy. His name’s Ike Ferguson. He was an illusionist, a hypnotist, the son of Mesmero the Magnificent.
Panel 2
Medium shot of Phineus as he ends the spell. Long shot of Sara behind him.
SARA: Do you remember every amazing, astounding magician you’ve ever seen?
PHINEUS: There was nothing amazing or astounding about him, but yes I do.
Panel 3
Medium shot of Joe and Phineus.
JOE: Do you think he’s involved?
PHINEUS: Can’t see how. He was a terrible performer. However, it’s the only lead we have right now.
Panel 4
Close-up of Sara.
SARA: Okay. Let’s go find ourselves a hypnotist.
Panel 5
Medium shot of Sara, Phineus, and Joe as they look behind them in surprise.
IKE: At your service.
Page 20
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Long shot of Ike from behind Phineus, Sara, and Joe. Ike is about 5’2” and nicely if unfashionably dressed in a three-piece suit, gloves, and a derby. He hold a walking cane.
PHINEUS: Mr. Ferguson?
Panel 2
Medium shot of Ike as he address the others.
IKE: Please call me Ike. I am delighted to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Beam, and you Mr. Magarac, although I wish it would have been under more congenial circumstances.
Panel 3
Medium shot of Ike. He gestures toward the bench with his cane.
IKE: You see, I made everyone forget Mr. Feboldson, and now he is no more. So much so that even reminding you of him will not bring him back.
Panel 4
Close-up of Phineus.
PHINEUS: So, you can create selective amnesia? I thought you were just a carny magician.
Panel 5
Close-up of Ike.
IKE: Yes, I carried on the family tradition for a time, but I never had much skill at showmanship. The act’s amnesia trick, however, was not a trick at all, at least not for me.
Page 21
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Close-up of Sara.
SARA: Why would you make people forget Feboldson?
Panel 2
Medium shot of Ike.
IKE: Mr. Feboldson, like Mr. Magarac, was a creature of folklore. He only existed because people remembered him. Once he was forgotten, he ceased to exist. I did it because he was beginning to suspect my regrettable little assignment. He would have soon realized that my true target is Mr. Magarac.
Panel 3
Long shot of Joe.
JOE: Me? Why me?
Panel 4
Medium shot of Ike.
IKE: You are still a symbol for the working people of this city. It would be much simpler for my…employer if you weren’t.
Panel 5
Medium shot of Phineus standing in front of Joe.
PHINEUS: So why hasn’t Joe blinked out of existence?
Panel 6
Medium shot of Ike.
IKE: In good time. Many people in this city still revere him.
Page 22
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Close-up of Phineus, medium shot of Sara and Joe behind him.
PHINEUS: I don’t think so. This ends now. I‘m going to stop you from erasing any more memories.
Panel 2
Close-up of Ike.
IKE: How are you going to do that Mr. Beam?
Panel 3
Medium shot of Phineus posing as if he is casting a spell, but nothing is happening. Phineus is concentrating more than usual.
PHINEUS: Just a simple containment spell to nullify your ability. All I have to do is…Just need to…
Panel 4
Medium shot of Sara behind Phineus.
SARA: What’s wrong?
Panel 5
Close-up of Phineus in concentration.
PHINEUS: I forgot how to cast the spell.
Panel 6
Close-up of Phineus. His eyes widen as he realizes what has happened.
PHINEUS: I forgot how to cast my spells!
Page 23
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Medium shot from Ike’s point of view of Phineus, Sara, and Joe as they look with surprise at Ike.
Panel 2
Long shot of Ike who is smiling benignly.
IKE: It was a pleasure meeting you all. Mr. Magarac, for what it’s worth, I will miss you.
Panel 3
Medium shot of Joe leaping in front of Phineus and Sara toward Ike. He is angry and his fists are clenched.
JOE: I’m tired of these parlor tricks. How ‘bout I wipe you from existence?
Panel 4
Medium shot of Joe recoiling in surprise as Ike has disappeared.
JOE: Hey, where’d he go?
Page 24
Suggested panel layout:
Panel 1
Long shot from above. Phineus is kneeling, distraught. Sara is behind him with her hands on his shoulders. Joe is standing, scratching his head and looking around.
Phineus + Magician for Hire 